For the past two years or so, I have been in a relationship with an absolutely incredible human being. I know people say this about their significant other all the time, but he is genuinely one of the best people I have ever encountered. He’s not perfect. No one is. But he is the perfect complement to myself.
When we first started spending time with each other, we were just friends. We were friends for nearly a year before we decided to become “more.” I suppose that’s how the best relationships develop. You get to know the good and the bad because no one is trying to impress the other and somehow develop an undeniable connection. I fell for him slowly at first, and then all at once. I fell for him before we were in a “relationship.” Every day, I fall in love with him all over again. The way he talks about his work, the way he would do anything for his family and friends, the way he goes out of his way to help complete strangers. It blows my mind. I can’t begin to understand how I got so lucky that this man chooses every day to love me back, but I am so grateful for it.
My parents don’t know any of this. They don’t know that I’m in a relationship. They don’t know that I am ready to spend the rest of my life with this man and that I need them to be okay with it to be able to go forward in my relationship with him.
I always knew it wouldn’t be easy to tell them. Because although he shares my faith and is one of the best people I’ve ever known, my parents are VERY traditional and he is not what they have always “wanted” for me. They want someone who speaks the same language and comes from the same city in the same country of origin as they do and follows the same religion and even the same sub-sect of that religion. But we live in America. I was born and raised here and the likelihood of finding someone that fits all of those specifications and I get along with is incredibly hard. And quite frankly all that other stuff matters very little to me.
The religion aspect I agree with because its something very close to my heart and the way I live my life. I wouldn’t be able to be with someone if they didn’t share my faith. But the cultural aspect is intensely important to my parents. They would say our cultures are too different and that they wouldn’t be able to communicate easily with him. He knows the culture I was raised in incredibly well and understands the language we speak a little. He doesn’t always understand the things that are done in our culture, or agree with them. But then again…neither do I.
My parents don’t seem to understand that I have my own culture because I was raised in a world of two extremes and somehow I found my niche somewhere in the middle. I want to marry this man. And the only way that is going to happen is if my parents know and agree to it. Which means..
I HAVE TO STEP UP AND TELL THEM.
So I did. I told my mother about him. This past Monday. I didn’t tell her the details..because it would break her heart to know I’ve been in a serious relationship with someone. But I made it clear that there was someone I wanted her to meet and that marriage with this person was the goal. There was very little detail given to her about him, but she didn’t seem to care too much about any details.
She did not react well. It could have been worse of course. But to say I’m not heartbroken by her response would be a lie.
So where do I go from here? And how?
Diaries of an American Born Desi 