Peace & Anxiety

So much has taken place over the past two weeks. I’m an emotional mess. I am excited & nervous, at peace with my decision & anxious about which path I will ultimately end up on, and I am overwhelmed by the magnitude of what I am about to do while simultaneously underwhelmed by the day-to-day activity of my life.

This past week I have felt more alone and disconnected than I have in a very long time. I’m aware that part of that is because I’m in a new environment, surrounded by people I don’t know, attempting to do work I know very little about. The day-to-day support system I had found myself a part of, was left behind when I decided to leave my old workplace for my new one. So now I must learn to cope with the changes on my own again.

This isn’t entirely true, of course. I have plenty of people I can and do lean on, they just aren’t as accessible as I sometimes wish they were. And then there is the matter that most people, even some of my closest friends and family don’t fully understand my predicament. They aren’t sure how to help me and often the advice I end up with doesn’t make sense and can leave me more confused than before I had received it.

I don’t blame them. Each story and path is different. Even if I found someone who has been through exactly what I’m about to do, they still wouldn’t be able to predict the outcome. After all, people surprise you. They can surprise you in the most wonderful ways and also in some of the most heart-breaking ones. All I can do is push forward, hold tight to my faith, and hope that I’m surprised by the outcome of decision in the best way possible.

Always,

MissKay